Part of Me
by Dolphin Dances
Summary: Robin does the unthinkable and pushes the brink of insanity. Can his friends bring him back? Song from Linkin Park. One-Shot.


**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TEEN TITANS OR LINKIN PARK!**

I slam into my room, my eyes searching frantically for something to distract me. _Did I do that?_ My hands are shaking as I stumble over to my "Slade Wall". I feel numb and cold as the disbelief sets in.

**Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them**

**Sometimes I wonder why this is happening**

I had always been the levelheaded one. The one the team could depend on when things got tough. That is until _he_ showed up.

**It's like nothing I can do would distract me when**

Even so, how could I do that? How is it possible? I had destroyed everything I believed in with that one act. How could I so carelessly throw everything away?

**I think of how I shot myself in the back again**

Anger wells up in me suddenly as part of me screams with triumph. _He can't hurt them now! He can't torture you mercilessly! Everyone is safe now!_

**'Cause from the infinite words I could say I**

**Put all pain you gave to me on display**

_No._ The sane part of me rationalizes. _You gave an oath not to kill. _My blood runs cold._ You… are no better than him now._

**But didn't realize instead of setting it free I**

**Took what I hated and made it a part of me**

My breath becomes shallow as I stare at the pictures of my once loathed enemy.

**Never goes away**

**Never goes away**

:Flashback:

The rain poured down on us as we all stared at the warehouse. My eyes darted to my teammates. Starfire floated in the air on his right, Starbolts at the ready. Raven was levitating on his other side, dark energy gathered at her palms. Beast Boy, in the form of a tiger, waited eagerly beneath Raven. Cyborg had his sonic cannon up and charging. They all waited with bated breath in front of the warehouse.

"Come out and fight!" I shouted. "We know you're in there!" My nerves were on edge. Whoever it was had detonated a bomb in an apartment building, killing and wounding countless. All of us were furious. How could anyone be so heartless? My gut told me who. But I wanted to be sure.

"Well Robin." My blood boiled at his all to familiar indifferent tone. "What took you so long?" He dropped down in front of us, but his eyes were glued on me. I could see Raven falter slightly at the corner of my eye as memories undoubtedly came back to her.

"Slade." I remember snarling. When had I become so ferocious?

"Robin." He mocked. I don't know what did it. Whether it was his sneering tone, the countless lives he took, the pain he put my team through, maybe it was the pain he put _me_ through. I'm not sure what it was, but I snapped. Everything but he and I faded away completely. I barely remember charging forward or my team calling me back. Suddenly he and I were fighting and fighting to the death. There was no turning back. I knew it. I have a feeling I sustained several injuries, but I didn't feel them. I was a machine. I found my sword in my hand. He had one too. I remember the sparks and the rain. I remember his mask go flying off to reveal blonde curly locks and piercing blue eyes. And I remember… his careless mistake… my one opening… Without hesitation I swung down. I felt the sword bite deep into his side as I saw his eyes go wide with shock. Then he fell. When had we gotten to the roof? He was falling, falling until he hit the ground with a sickening crunch. I turned to face my team. They were looking at me in horror. Every single one of them. Starfire was staring at me, her hand over her mouth, tears streaming down her face. Raven's eyes had gone wide and she was looking at me in numb shock. Beast Boy was backing away from me. Cyborg didn't seem to be able to move. I think it was then that it hit me. I had killed.

:End Flashback:

I back away from the "Slade Wall" in terror. I had killed. I hit my wardrobe and whirl around to face my reflection in the mirror. _You're no better than him…_

**And now**

**You've become a part of me**

_He lives in you now…_

**You'll always be right here**

**You've become a part of me**

Slade's words suddenly come back to me, "**_I am the thing that keeps you up at night…_**" My eyes widen. Could he ever really die?

**You'll always be my fear**

I stumble back. He'll never leave me. He'll always haunt me! That's why I did it! Maybe… just maybe! _No! Was it really worth it! Look what you sacrificed! How can you call yourself a hero now?_

**I can't separate**

**Myself from what I've done**

**NO!** I provided a service! He can't hurt anymore!_ Are you going to kill EVERYONE THAT GETS IN YOUR WAY? Why does that sound familiar? YOU'RE BECOMING HIM!_

**Giving up a part of me**

**I've let myself become you**

I turn back to the Wall. "Slade…" Malice and spite enter my voice as memories of his evil ways flash through my head. How he manipulated Terra. How he took over the city. How he haunted Raven. How he made me so obsessed with finding him that I willingly hurt Starfire, my one and only light. Ever since that day that Gizmo uttered his name I've been obsessed.

**Hearing your name the memories come back again**

**I remember when it started happening**

**I see you in every thought I had and then**

**The thoughts slowly found words attached to them**

I didn't eat… I didn't sleep… I saw the worried looks my friends gave me. I saw but for some reason, I didn't care.

**And I knew as they escaped away**

**I was committing myself to them and everyday**

**I regret saying those things cuz now I see that I**

**Took what I hated and made it a part of me**

I rebel against myself. I couldn't have killed him. He never dies!

**Never goes away**

**Never goes away**

_No he won't! Because you will never let him will you? He'll live in you forever! You'll spend your life searching for him when he's right here. Inside you. You are him now._

**And now**

**You've become a part of me**

**You'll always be right here**

**You've become a part of me**

**You'll always be my fear**

No! He's still out there! I'm not him! I'll never be him! I'll never… My eyes widen. _You'll never what? KILL?_

**I can't separate**

**Myself from what I've done**

**Giving up a part of me**

**I've let myself become you**

No… I can't be… I won't… I'm… turning into… him?

**Never goes away**

**Never goes away**

**Never goes away**

**Never goes away**

Suddenly I lash out, destroying the pictures of the man that has haunted my nightmares for so long. I tear them apart, I mutilate them.

**Get away from me**

**Give me my space back you gotta just**

**Go**

His memories… Oh God those damn memories! I clutch my head, desperate to try and get rid of them.

**Everything comes down the memories of**

**You**

**I've kept it in but now I'm letting you**

**Know**

No more! No more! I give up! No more! He's dead! I can rest now! Can't I?_ You killed! You'll never escape from that!_ But I let him go! _That doesn't mean he'll leave._

**I let you go so get away from**

**Me**

**Give me my space back you gotta just**

**Go**

**Everything comes down the memories of**

**You**

**I've kept it but now I'm letting you**

**Know**

**I let you go**

Numbly I'm aware that I'm roaring in pain and confusion. How could I do that? What ever possessed me? _He did. And now… You're no better than him._

**And now**

**You've become a part of me**

**You'll always be right here**

**You've become a part of me**

**You'll always be my fear**

**I can't separate**

**Myself from what I've done**

**Giving up a part of me**

**I've let myself become you**

I fall to my knees and sob. I'll never be free. Never. He'll never let me rest.

**I've let myself become you**

**I've let myself become lost inside these thoughts of you**

**Giving up a part of me, I've let myself become you**

Dimly I'm aware of someone wrapping their arms around me. I look up into soft jade eyes.

"Starfire?" I wrench away. I don't deserve her kindness. I look behind her. Everyone? They're all here? They should be kicking me out for what I've done. Starfire calmly hugs me again. I don't have the strength to tear myself away again. I hold her to me and sob into her shoulder. Then she whispers three little words into my ear. Three little words and suddenly I think I may get through this.

"We forgive you."

**Author's Comments: I'm really proud of this. Tricked you all at the end didn't I? Ha! Well I'm crying now, so I think I'll go and calm myself down but I am awfully proud of this. Please Review.**


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